It’s days like these. When I’m alone in my house. Homework is still packed away, undone. Room is still a mess and food has yet to be made.
I wonder on days like these, if I were to watch myself as if I were in a reality show, what would I think?
Pathetic! Useless! Lazy!
I would yell at the screen. Yelling at that lame little girl staring at her phone and doing absolutely nothing.
Get up. You have work to do! Why don’t you do it?
But I wouldn’t understand the girl on the screen because she would not show what she felt on the inside.
The distress from things falling apart. Things that were petty and unimportant, but to her they hurt so much and she didn’t know why. However the girl on the screen, her face was still. Even her tears were pushed to the back of her mind. No emotions visible, no feeling to be let out for the world to see.
It wasn’t that she was embarrassed… Or maybe she was. Besides, she knew deep down it was more than that. She didn’t feel entitled to feel the way she felt. She didn’t feel like she was allowed to hurt.
I would yell at that girl, judge that girl, I would not understand her.
Because she doesn’t even understand herself.