[Here we go again. I don’t post for weeks, and then return with a sap trap of a post. Oops]
I sit at my cluttered desk; my textbooks and assignments scattered so that not even a spot of wood is visible underneath. My hand cramps from writing out the 50 math review problems, my fingers bleed from typing essay after essay and my voice starts to break from practicing the 2 upcoming presentations. The to-do-list that sits at the top of this unsettling mess glares at me and tells me to keep going, but I can’t.
Brain pounding and mind faltering, I frantically search for a breath of true fresh air. However, it’s midnight and my families a sleep, the alarm would wake them up if I tried to leave the house.
Instead, I rush to the window, but that too is shut from my grasps. My knees crumple to the small vent below my feet. I just couldn’t take the hours of homework and desperation to succeed.
My whole body is shaking now, but at what? The lack of fresh air? The stress of school work? Or is this a bigger problem? A problem I know deep down I will have to face. This is my future.
How long will it last? This on going repeat. When I graduate University will it end? No. Because I will still be working. I will still be stressing over every single thing on the to-do list that shakes me down until I am nothing. I will still have to breathe the air inside a small office room as I am cluttered head to toe in job I will only have to survive? To buy food? Water? A home?
What about what I want? What if what I want isn’t what I get? What if I can’t get to the job that will make me happy? What happens then?
The pressure crumples me into a ball of my own weaknesses.
But the vent is not even on.
And there is no fresh air.
So I just stop breathing.